Can’t I just be single?

I’m going to rant for a minute.  Because it’s my blog and I can.

I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked why I’m still single.  Or if I want to get married.  What about the insensitive question – do you even want kids? With emphasis placed on want – as if I can CHOOSE right now.  And then of course, do you even want to date?

It’s 2016 people.  What in the hell is wrong with me being a 30 year old, happy, single, independent female?

I’d like to think I’m relatively decent looking.  I know I’m relatively smart.  I have a good career.  Seriously good.  Like my job rocks.  I am also a master’s student just months away from having a Masters in Nursing. SO GET OFF MY BUTT!

I’ve been on no less than 10 dates with random men in the last few months.  Sometimes I feel so pressured to date by the people around me that I feel overwhelmed and just agree to go out with a guy just because.  Well, I’m done with that.

August 2nd marks a year since I said goodbye to the man I thought I’d marry.  And the truth is… I’m just not over it.  Yes, I ended it.  Yes, it wasn’t working and I HAD to end it.  That doesn’t make it any less painful.  It freakin’ sucks to say goodbye to the man you think you’re going to marry.

For the past year I have literally had to pick myself off the floor at times.  I’ve had to endure nights of anxiety and tears, I’ve had to endure being ignored by him because I shattered his heart and he couldn’t even bare to talk to me, let alone look at me, because of what I put him through when I ended our relationship.  It’s been a HARD year losing my best friend.  And being single and finding ME again while I deal with the heartbreak has been the biggest blessing ever.

I’ve also become a little selfish and a little set in my ways, but whats wrong with that?  The other day I ended things with a guy I went out with a couple of times.  I was telling my dad about it and he said, “you’re kind of ruthless” and you know what? He’s right.

And we both agreed that I can be.  He didn’t say it in an uncaring, unemotional type of way.  He just meant it in a You know what you want and it’s what you want type of thing – I’m not going to consider going out with someone just because it’s nice not to cancel at the last minute, or because I said I would, or because he’s a Christian and deserves a chance. 

It’s MY life.  I know what it’s like to be head over heels in love with somebody because that’s how I was with Andrew.  If I can love the wrong man that much… I imagine how much I can love the right man.

So here’s to those of us women who aren’t feeling sorry for ourselves because we’re single, who aren’t wanting to date just because, and who aren’t nesting or having baby fever but rather enjoying ourselves, our independence, being single and NOT settling.

The divorce rate is as high as it is for a reason.  Don’t rush, and don’t settle for anything less than butterflies.

xoxo

 

 

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