We all have them, right?
I had a freak out moment yesterday morning. I was driving home from work, in traffic and near Brighton, when everyone else was dodging two crates on the left side of the road. I slowed way down out of precaution. The truck to my left who seemingly wasn’t paying attention ended up being the only vehicle to actually hit them, sending them flying into the slow lane right at me. You can guess how this played out. My new Rav 4? The one that isn’t even 3 months old? Damaged.
At work that night (I Work 7pm-7am), it was slow for a few hours so I’d decided to go over my finances, something that is always fun (insert major eye roll). I ended the night mad at myself for applying for this Africa trip (which is silly, because I debated until the very last second & deadline when I just could no longer ignore God directly telling me to apply), stressed about Zainey’s vet bills (thanks, Cancer), and questioning my sanity. Instead of staying near the hospital after work in the morning, I decided to drive the 90+ miles one way home because there was a chance I’d be on call for work for low census and I didn’t want to stay in town when I was having a bad night and I really just wanted to sleep in my own bed, shower in my own shower and see my dogs.
And then the crate incident occurred…..
I got home, Ben met me outside and we assessed the damage. The undercarriage of my car was cracked and broken and is now falling down and part of it was scraping my wheel when I turned or went up over a bump. I could hear it driving down the road. At least The front bumper damage can not be seen….. unless you look under the vehicle 👀 Why, me? I thought. This has been a bad month. Or a bad summer? Or a bad YEAR? How much pity do I want to wallow in?
I went to sleep fighting stress and tears. But only after I angrily said “I’m not going to Africa, I just can’t do it all!!!” To Ben. And then deleted all of the links to my fundraising websites. They’d only been up for 10 hours.
I’m not sure if I dreamt of Africa, but maybe I did.
I woke up thinking of the smiles of the little Ugandan kids when they combed my blonde hair. The grandma who wasn’t afraid of me when I pricked her finger for a rapid HIV test. The baby so sick with malaria he could hardly open his eyes… but mom decided to come to our little village clinic set up to see if we could help. And then she got help.
I thought of how some of us are blessed with the gift of the desire and ability to serve, and I have that gift.
And then I thought about my selfish life, wallowing in self pity because the new car I have is busted or the student loans I have are overwhelming. Hello– who am I? A privileged girl who GOT to go to college. So, I had to pay for it in student loans? At least in America we have that option. In Uganda many children don’t even have the opportunity to get A PENCIL or a NOTEBOOK so they can’t even go to elementary school.
The car will get fixed at some point. The loans still get their monthly payment on time, every time.
And I’ll go to Africa in October.
Help get me there (because none of us can do life alone, no matter where we live):