Adjusting

I’d be lying if I said this move has been easy.

Two years ago my Gramps was diagnosed with cancer. As with most cancers, it’s taken a massive toll. Instead of being where I want to be, with him and family who are supporting him, I’m here 3000 miles away on the East. If I wasn’t so pregnant I’d hop on a plane and probably camp out in the bedroom upstairs at his house that I called home for many years. At least then I’d be there. I feel so, so helpless. It’s becoming all I can think about! I’m not bitter we are here. Not at all! And I really love our new house. I’m even getting used to living in such a big city. Lexington is 300k + population and we live righhhhhht in the city.

I’m just…. I just wish this wasn’t the timing and I wish I was there instead of here.

But here I am. 9 months pregnant now, Less than four weeks from my due date which probably means 3 weeks from having a baby because the doc(s) are pretty adamant I deliver before my due date because I’m 40.

My (previous) doc, who must not even be 30, was worried about my age.

“No offense, but, you’re 40”

“I mean your baby was GINORMOUS” referring to Archie. Who came at 42 weeks. How GINORMOUS would he have been if he came on time?

I saw that doctor twice before I called the clinic and requested a new provider. She’d probably made 3 remarks about my age and 3 remarks about Archie’s size at birth — 9lbs 14oz of pure health.

I met the new provider today and REALLLLLLLY like her. So approachable. So easy to talk to. I know one thing. She has a heck of a lot more experience. Regarding the other one— I really just wanted to say: This ain’t my first rodeo, baby doc. This is my 5th pregnancy. My third to term / near term. I’m 40, proudly, and in the best health I’ve ever been in. I’ve also been a nurse for 12 years, so know how to handle myself around docs. And know which ones I don’t want to deal with. If a doctor gives you anxiety —> RUN.

Like my chiropractor told me after I told her about my OB appointment where I decided I could not deal with the doc again. “They scoff at us older moms and call us high risk but they’re used to seeing 300 lb 25 year olds here and they think nothing of it”

Fact.

I work so hard to be healthy. I’m working so hard to have a VBAC. Of course sometimes the body and the baby don’t cooperate. I’m praying they cooperate. I don’t want another c-section. I. Do. Not. Want. A. C. Section.

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It took forever for Ben and I to choose a baby name. For-everrrrr.

It took about a minute for me to choose a middle name. As soon as I thought of it, I told Ben, and he liked it. He loved what the name represented to me. I went back and read my Grandma’s book, the one I bought her many years ago and the she filled out for me. Details of her life. Her mom. Her dad. Favorite recipes. I knew then exactly what baby’s middle name would be.

We have a full name now.

We are getting so anxious to meet our sweet boy.

So while this time for me is soooo bittersweet…. Wanting to be somewhere else while I’m here….. I’m still thankful I am here, safely and healthily growing this baby for his final weeks womb-side. Earth side will be so much better.

We go to California in May. I don’t want to say “time, speed up”. But time, please, wait for me and speed up simultaneously.