I remember when journaling used to be therapeutic. I am trying to get back to that place in my life when writing was an escape from life’s stressors and jotting down daily memories truly helped put life into perspective.
Life is challenging. Nursing school takes more energy from me than I ever thought I’d be able to give. It’s not only school, though. It’s keeping up with studying and the ridiculous amount of reading we have to do and my job at the same time. When I’m in Wyoming for school I don’t work so when I’m on my off week I work minimum 38 hours (3 12.5 hour shifts) and am supposed to work 4 12.5 hour shifts but this past week I was able to take off a day and only work 3/4 of my shifts. This past week I spent all day, every day either sleeping because I worked a 12.5 hour shift the night before or studying. I was, thankfully, able to fit in a couple of Yankee games which were on in the background while I sat at our kitchen table and a few Days of Our Lives episodes while eating lunch and/or dinner. I also managed to take two walks with Copper at Wash Park totaling 1.5 hours and I did make it to the grocery store! But, that’s it. Today Andrew said all I do is work and study. And yes, that about sums up my life. I don’t have time for anything or anyone else. People ask why I still work. They must not have to pay their own rent and bills! It’s quite overwhelming at times, really, but I am reminding myself that this is what I have to do.
And I pray every day that I have the strength and mental capability to keep up this schedule.
Last night I was scheduled for my third 12.5 hour shift of the week. I asked to be the first one put on call. Meaning, if our ICU census was low, I’d be the first person they would put on call. They were able to put me on call for 1.5 hours and then I got called in to float to the telemetry floor because they got 6 new admissions and needed a secretary to enter doctor orders. So, I arrived at work at 9:20 and for the next 3.5 hours I sat and entered tons of orders on various patients. I wasn’t too happy I got called in to work another floor but all in all, it was another hospital experience to add to the list. After I helped out their floor for a while I headed back to the ICU and though we had 3 new admissions as well, our night wasn’t too busy and I had some great conversations with some of the nurses about nursing school and what I have to look forward to post-graduation.
So life is challenging, but I’m getting by. This week is midterms and tomorrow morning I will wake up at 6am and head to Laramie for Wyoming week #4. I have an exam tomorrow, two on Wednesday, one on Thursday and one on Friday. I’m most worried about the ones I have on Wednesday and Friday, though tomorrow’s is extremely difficult as well but I’m just not allowing myself to stress about that one. I’ve been getting terrible tension headaches and have had to switch to wearing my glasses instead of contacts to help relieve the pressure. I’ve also been forcing myself not to get worked up or feel overwhelmed with the amount of work I have every single day.
I will tell you this – I do not know how people get through life without having Jesus in their life. I am far from the Christian woman I want to be, especially lately because I am constantly preoccupied and can’t go to church right now because I work on Sundays, but when things get overwhelming I just take a deep breath and remind myself that no matter what, I’m not alone. Ever. And I truly believe I wouldn’t be in this position I’m in (nursing school, working) if I couldn’t handle it.
There is this great song by Mercy Me that I love and I think sums up Jesus. The lyrics are, How great is your love? So much higher than the Heavens, with faithfulness that reaches the sky. So comforting, and so true.
Last week I ordered a bracelet off of Amazon that I won’t take of. The shop is “The Quiet Witness” and bracelets can be purchased online at http://www.amazon.com/shops/tqw
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7
So when I get exhausted, mentally and physically, I look at my bracelet and read the verse and it serves as a constant reminder.
Time to get back to studying. My weekly math exam is due by midnight…. tonight I’m calculating injection dosages!